The Courage to Lead
“Children not loved for who they are do not learn how to love themselves. Their growth is an exercise in pleasing others, not in expanding through experience. As adults, they must learn to nurture their own lost child. There's personal anger, but underneath there's often universal rage; And when we are possessed, God help the man who's on the end of that. Deep rage is not about the man; Deep rage is this: Nobody ever saw me. Nobody ever heard me. As long as I can remember, I've had to perform. When I tried to be myself, I was told, That's not what you think, that's not what you ought to do. So, just like my mother and her mother, I put on a false face. My life became a lie. That's deep rage. We have lived our lives behind a mask. Sooner or later —if we are lucky— the mask will be smashed. What a relief to be human instead of the god or goddess my parents imagined me to be or I imagined them.” ― Marion Woodman, Coming Home to Myself: Reflections for Nurturing a Woman's Body & Soul
My parents embodied leadership.
I was raised in a two parent household where my parents were happily married for 53 years before my father passed away. They showed me through their actions a marital container of love, loyalty, shared power, accountability, responsibility, nurturing and mutual respect and collaboration. They are not perfect people, neither was their marriage, however they showed me the challenges that everyone faces as they learn how to lead AND follow.
There is a myth that the only people worthy of leadership, independence and self-sufficiency are men.
I’ve been told that women who are independent and self-sufficient are considered masculine, aggressive, and bitches. This was a surprise to me because my FATHER taught me that EVERY woman must be independent and self-sufficient so that she does not find herself in a relationship where emotional abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse or sexual assault are present. Why did he emphasize this? When his sister died, it was discovered that her death was due to blunt trauma to the scalp. Because she had nine brothers, her husband would beat her in the head so that bruises were not visible on her body.
My opinion is that gender is not an indicator of leadership acumen, ability, wisdom, accountability or responsibility. Everyone must learn how to be independent and self-sufficient. You must learn how to take care of yourself and and also support others. As you cultivate self-mastery, you’ll discover how to lead, teach, and inspire.
My journey of learning how to lead and follow has NOT been one filled with ease.
There were many times over the last 40 years where I sacrificed self-respect as to not rock the boat of another. There were many times I felt unseen, unheard, unsupported and unloved. There were many years spent spiraling in perfectionism, people-pleasing, proving, overwhelm and under earning. Why? Because I steered away from how I was raised and got caught up in societal and religious constructs about what a woman, wife and mother is or should be. As a result of not living from an authentic place, I was extremely angry and depressed.
After reading Marion Woodman’s quote, I wept because I recognized immediately those challenges were an invitation to rise out of rage, take off the mask, set healthy boundaries, and speak truth to power. For so long women have been conditioned to see themselves as Superheroes on one hand, taking care of everyone and everything and completely helpless on the other hand, needing someone else to make decisions for them because they are considered weak, inferior, incapable, incompetent and overly emotional.
This blog post “The Courage to Lead: A Woman's Guide to Leadership” is a soul call to reclaim your sovereignty, creativity and flow. It is an invitation to smash the mask that keeps you stuck in a cycle of pretending to be less capable, competent, wise, and powerful than you are. This is an invitation to join me as I step more fully and completely into self-love, self-care, self-acceptance, self-esteem, self-compassion, self-respect and self-sufficiency.
What is courage and how does it relate to leadership?
Courage is the act of choosing to do what we know in our hearts will lead us home. Courage uncovers new possibilities, getting back up after you have been knocked down and believing that every dark moment has a diamond lining. It takes courage to practice self-care instead of caretaking or martyrdom. The ability to not just talk the talk, but walk the walk.
We are wired to lead and be led by those we love, trust and respect as leaders ourselves. We must learn how to lead effectively from our hearts in order for others to follow us into a more loving world.
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Why are women not given the opportunity to lead as often as men?
One of the reasons women are not given opportunities to lead as often is because they have been conditioned for centuries by society, men and their own internalized misogyny. These messages drive a woman’s desire to please others before herself, find worth through her looks rather than intelligence or ability and believe that she will never be enough in any regard.
Women have been conditioned not to ask for what they need and want, because it is their role to take care of everyone else’s needs first. Women are afraid that if they speak up about anything or disagree with the status quo, there will be consequences such as losing social standing in her community; being labeled “bossy” or “bitchy;” being excluded from social gatherings and business opportunities. Women are afraid of not meeting other people's expectations, so they never truly share their voice for fear that it won't be heard by anyone else but themselves.
What is the biggest roadblock to you becoming a more effective leader? What one action step can you take today to cultivate the courage to lead?
How a woman can take steps towards leadership success by asserting herself, being authentic, and developing her personal brand.
When women are taught to be less than themselves, they often end up being self-critical of their body language and speech. To take steps towards leadership success you must first begin by practicing how you show up for yourself in every moment. Ask yourself: “What do I need right now?” “How can I care for myself?” “How can I be more of who I really am in this moment?”
To become a better leader and to truly embrace your authenticity, you must practice how you show up for yourself every day. You must learn how to meet the needs of others as well as take care of your own needs first so that you can be more present for others when they need your guidance and support.
When we are able to meet the needs of others as well as ourselves, it is much easier to see how our actions impact those around us in a positive way. This allows women to focus on what matters most: truth-telling, going with their gut instincts and speaking their truth in a loving and compassionate way.
Steps to becoming more self-aware:
Every morning when you wake up, ask yourself three questions that will help create an awareness for your day ahead of time. Ask: “What do I need right now?” “How can I be more of myself?” “What do I need to let go of today?”
In order for us to reach our full potential, we must be aware of who we are and what needs changing so that we can make the best decisions possible. Being more self-aware is not about judging ourselves or punishing but learning from where we have come from and where we are going.
To be able to lead more effectively, you must first understand how your thoughts impact your feelings which impacts the actions that follow. You can practice this by journaling every night before bed for five minutes on a loose-leaf sheet of paper about what was good or challenging about today; what gratitude did you feel; what lessons did you learn that day, and how can you make tomorrow better.
When we are aware of how our thoughts impact the way we feel it is much easier to take responsibility for them instead of blaming others or believing that life just happens randomly without any cause-and-effect interactions involved. When women state their truth in a loving way, they are able to grow their business relationships and have more meaningful personal ones as well.
What do I do if someone isn't following my instructions or refusing to work on tasks that they've agreed to complete together?
If someone is not following your instructions or refusing to work on tasks that they've agreed to complete together, you must step up and be a leader. You cannot afford to allow anything less than what you expect from yourself in terms of following through with projects and deadlines so why should others?
Determine the next steps for this person. Are they still a good fit for your business or are you going to have to let them go? Letting someone go is never easy but it's not personal. It has everything to do with what is best for your business and ultimately yourself.
What if I have to let them go? How can I hire more effectively?
When hiring more effectively, you must first know your business and what is needed to continue growing. Once you have a better understanding of this, ask yourself the following questions: “Where do I need help in my business now?” “What are three traits that would be beneficial for someone who wants to work with me?” “What is most important to me in a candidate?”
Once you have your list, it's time to get specific: what type of questions should I ask that will allow me to understand if this person has the necessary skills and traits needed for the job? Trust your intuition because when we are nervous about hiring someone for a position, it's usually not because they are a bad fit but we fear the unknown.
When you hire someone who is a good cultural and skill-fit for your team, trust that person to do their job with or without your oversight. Your time will be better spent on managing projects instead of micromanaging employees which will result in better team output and a stronger business.
Leadership is a journey, not a destination.
It's an ongoing process that requires courage, commitment, and a willingness to develop ourselves each day.
Leadership is not limited to the boardroom or people in charge. It's a quality that we all possess, and it can be cultivated by anyone who has a vision for themselves and their work. And when women lead with authenticity and purpose, they have the power to transform lives.
As a result of reading this blog post, in what way do you feel inspired to take on more of a leadership role in your relationships, finances, careers and/or business?
Post Updated 21 August 2021
