I Built a Business That Felt Like a Self-Made Prison

I Built a Business That Felt Like a Self-Made Prison

And now I’m ready to rebuild it with more heart, more humanity — and more me.

The photo above is TWELVE years old. I was 47 years of age.

When I started my subscription, I had the best intentions.

I wanted recurring revenue.
I wanted freedom.
I wanted to serve, scale, and create something consistent and clear.

And in many ways — I did it.

The systems are running.
The payments are processing.
The emails go out.
People are subscribed.

But lately, if I’m honest?

It feels... flat.
Hollow.
Transactional.

Like I’m delivering just enough to meet the promise — but no longer meeting myself in the work.

It feels like I’m stuck inside something I built.
Like I followed someone else’s blueprint and forgot to ask,
Does this even feel like me anymore?

My nature is relational.

I love people.
I love presence.
I love depth.
I love co-creation and shared moments and connection that’s felt — not just delivered.

But somehow, in trying to “scale,” I stripped that part out.

I built a machine that works.
But I no longer want to be the one pulling its levers.

Not like this.

The question now is: How do I pivot?

Because I still believe in this model.

I believe in recurring revenue — the power of rhythm, of sustainability, of knowing what’s coming in.

I believe in subscriptions — when they’re rooted in value, care, and consistency.

And I believe in community — not just as a “feature,” but as a feeling.

I just need to find a new way forward.
One that holds both my business goals and my relational nature.
One that doesn’t feel like I’m choosing between revenue and resonance.

So I’m giving myself permission to change.

Not because I failed.
But because I grew.
Because the business I built got me here — and now it’s time for something that carries me into what’s next.

Here’s what I’m asking myself — maybe you want to ask yourself, too:

• What’s no longer aligned — even if it’s “working”?

• Where do I feel most alive in my business?

• What would feel more like a gathering than a transaction?

• What does relational revenue look like to me?

• What do I want my subscribers to feel — not just receive?

Maybe this isn’t a teardown.

Maybe it’s a gentle redesign.

Maybe I don’t need to throw out the whole model.
Maybe I just need to build a better container.
One that lets me show up more fully.
One that lets my people feel more held.
One that reflects who I’ve become — not who I was when I started.

Final thought

Sometimes, we build things that trap us.
Even when they’re successful.
Even when they make money.
Even when they look good from the outside.

But you don’t have to stay stuck inside a system that no longer fits.

You get to change your mind.
You get to evolve.
You get to rebuild — not because you’re broken, but because your vision is clearer now.

If you’re craving connection, build that in.
If you miss presence, design for that.
If your heart is asking for more — listen.

The business gets to change because you have.

And the next version?

It’s going to feel like coming home.
To your work.
To your people.
To yourself.

Let’s begin again. On purpose. Together.

Oh -by the way, 25 April is my 60th birthday. Let that be a reminder that it is never too late to become the highest and best version of yourself.